haunted

i realize my mind is haunted. i realize i have to (i will) exorcise “the demon” once in for all or (i don wanna admit ) i shall live with it forever.

“line 1 of an earlier blog read i’ve lived with demons of the mind.”

an untimely bond wrapped my mind in d illusion that it would last forever and i lived that dream ,the only glitch was that i never completely woke up after the dream ended and my brain shut that dream in its closest chamber,holdin on to it as tightly as possible.never showing it to the ouside world coz it was considered so pure that even an outside glimpse could taint it.it was not left open to interpretation for anyone else,not even for me to re-interpet and re-analyze.it was accepted as a part of me.a part of me died with the end of that dream and, the dream ,the bond got etched and carved with the shaprest blade in the delicate brain as a scene in d play of life.from the rise of the curtain till the fall,except the curtains never did fall for me ,until now.now i hope they will fall,finally and my demon will finally be exorcised with my brain opening its secret chamber to let go of that dream or the grave of the dream though that part of the brain will stink of that morbid death stench for years to come .

almost 3 and a half years i cherished this dream bond as a part of me,we (the demon n i )lived as inseparables..it kept livin off me,my heart,my body,my mind and my soul..biting relentlessly,slowly but steadily and i was controlled,invariably changing,mouldin myself to accomodate the demon..i kept changin..almost forgot wot i was and derived happiness from this change..a happiness derived from the pain ,my own pain.

and now i stop..look back..now we’re fightin.i accept that it’s no dream bond..no love forever.i need to fight and separate from this “bond” forever ,for good.

P.S. heartfelt gratitude to “another” for jus one offhanded comment that made me realize that there could be another point of view to something i cherished as a bond-until-death while it actually was jus a passing phase,anothet step to growth,never so important and an untimely mistake ..a delinquent teenager’s play with fate.

 

i could have been a 17 year old’s stupid mistake.i dint think so.

i stand corrected.

 

 

i stand corrected.